What's next for me?

My entire life, I have always known what is coming next.

After elementary school...there was middle school and high school. Then I would move away for college. After college it was time to get married and work on my Masters degree.

But what's next?

What comes after graduate school? Land an awesome job? Have kids? Build a house? Move far away and start out all over again? Change the world?

There have never been so many uncertainties for me. I've always had a plan, and went according to plan (even though it often veered far from it). It's frustrating for me, because I have always been a planner.

When planning our wedding, I wanted everything to be perfect. By the end of the day, almost nothing went according to plan and I basically threw my hands up and didn't even care anymore. It was the best day of my life, and I wasn't going to let "little" things ruin it for me.

Right now I'm at that point of throwing my hands up again. I've had 3 major bad things happen throughout the last few months: I lost my job, lost our house, and something else happened...which I'm not going to mention on social media. Instead of letting myself go with the flow and not care anymore....I'm asking God for guidance. He's been silent for the last few months, and it is so discouraging and frustrating. We skipped church for a few weeks because I couldn't stop crying in the morning before we left. I know Satan is trying to hard to pull me from God right now.

I saw my therapist again this week and she told me I have been taking everything extremely well, it seems. She asked me why I think I haven't been worse. Honestly? My faith has kept me hanging on. It's that tiny light at the end of a long dark tunnel that is giving me hope..

Well, it happened.

Earlier this week, we got the call saying they can't hold our house like they thought, and it will be on the market June 1.

We are heartbroken.

Today, I am going out to check out an apartment complex in Noblesville. I honestly never thought this is what we would be doing at the end of May. We were supposed to close on our house next week.

No job offers yet, which is also very frustrating. After what seems like dozens of interviews, I have a few companies that are still making decisions. Money is low, so I'm hoping I will get an offer sooner rather than later.

Short post today - don't really feel like talking about it. Seems like a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from.

Update: The House & Job Searching

This week, we got paperwork we needed to sign from the mortgage company. It stated that nothing has changed and if it has, and we lie about it, we can face up to 5 years in jail for mortgage fraud.

Weeee.

So, I contacted the mortgage company and told them about our current situation. The builder called us yesterday and said we can still keep the house, this will just delay closing. I need 30 days of paystubs (at a new job) before we can close. So...

Good news: We haven't lost the house, yet. Thank God.
Bad news: We have to stay in these apartments a bit longer..

I went to the apartment office yesterday and they said our apartment was still available to extend the lease because it hasn't been rented out yet (Thank God again!). Our rent is going to be $100 more expensive, but it's still better than moving back to Kokomo, then back to Noblesville again.

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K-LOVE's encouraging word for today.

Job searching has been an endless task, it seems. I've had interview after interview, followed up with numerous people and have yet to hear back from several. No offers yet, but I have a feeling one is coming soon.

I interviewed at 2 places yesterday. One felt like a really, really good fit. The company is fantastic (with great benefits). I followed up and am waiting eagerly to hear back. I sent them over some additional portfolio pieces in hopes of winning them over.

Just trying to keep the faith has been hard. Satan is attacking us at every aspect of our lives, it seems. My God is greater. Sorry, Satan - I'm not going back to how I used to be. This depression and anxiety is awful, but I'm not letting it get worse like you want it to.

Hunting, Applying, Calling, Emailing . . .

Well, it's been a month since I was let go.

I have had a few dozen phone interviews, and 2 in person interviews.

Sorry the blog has been quiet, I've literally been using up all of my time with packing, job searching, and cleaning. Still no update on the house (we stopped by last weekend and the cabinets and countertops were in!). Fingers are crossed that an offer, or something promising comes through this week.

We turned in our intent to vacate at the beginning of the month - we have to give them 30 days notice. It's scary not knowing for sure where we will be living in June, but I know God will provide.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

This Week's Update

I'm sorry for being MIA the last week. I haven't had much to talk about, really. Every day, probably 8+ hours a day, I have been working on my resume and searching for jobs. This weekend was full of church activities and my brother's track meet. I haven't had much time for a break.

We also are continuing on the house. Met with the builder, and we plan to close May 31. Drywall should be getting finished up this week...

Sometimes, looking for jobs can be mind numbing, so I take 4-5 breaks throughout the day to do something productive. Since we are moving at the end of May, I have been working on boxing things up. I have also been working on going through things to sell/give to Goodwill. I've acquired a lot of crap throughout the years, and I'd rather not move it...

I have an interview Wednesday afternoon with a place here in Noblesville. It sounds like it would be perfect, so if you could all keep me in your prayers - that would be wonderful. I had an interview set up in Muncie, but that fell through. Everything happens for a reason.

God is good.

Here We Go Again . .

Yesterday was my birthday.

I also lost my job yesterday.

There was a lot of panic and running around yesterday. I was trying to figure out what was going to happen since I would no longer be receiving paychecks. Since I am the breadwinner, it puts our whole family at risk. We also risk losing our house. I was let go because there wasn't enough work for me. It's not my fault - they just didn't have enough to keep me busy. I was happy we had about $1500+ in savings - so rent would be covered for at least a few months. Thank you, Dave Ramsey!

This morning, I woke up to find a low balance in our checking/savings account. Work took out $1400 because I was -80 something vacation hours. Ugh - thank you mandatory Christmas break. We had $300 left in our account.

Come to find out, when I was hired, I signed a paper saying when I left I would either be given the positive balance back, or have to pay the difference. This triggered a pretty bad panic attack, so I went and ran.

I ran 2.5 miles and spent about 40 minutes outside. It was nice - and really cleared my head.

After my shower, I stayed calm and tried to figure out where all of our extra money was. We had $2500 in our health savings account and are able to transfer that over to our checking account. Some of this needs to be used on prescriptions for this month as well as the crown for my tooth...but that's great! I also checked my wallet for birthday money - $340. We should be okay for rent for a few months..and also have enough to close on our house.

We aren't willing to give up our house just yet. We haven't signed the official mortgage agreement, and we haven't even locked in the interest rate yet. We aren't saying "no" to the house until we are absolutely sure it isn't affordable.

My old company is offering a week's pay..which is better than nothing. I also applied for unemployment, and hopefully that will be coming sooner rather than later.

Prayers would be much appreciated throughout the next few weeks.

House Progress & FPU Update

We haven't seen our house in about a week, so I'm sure it has even more done on it! We have walls!!! Well, sort of.

This is me, way too excited about our "walls".

Taken from inside the garage.

Here's the front.

Down the hallway.

Part of the living room, dining room, and kitchen.

Our front door! Sort of..

The front again.

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Now for our Financial Peace University update - We bought life insurance (on top of what my employer provides)! Woo! It should not have taken us this long to get it, but we finally did and that's all that matters. Also, our last credit card is getting paid off this weekend! Woo!!!! We're well on our way to being debt free!

1) Credit Cards ($1,200)

2) Jon's Car Loan ($5,000)

3) Student Loans ($96,000)

4) Mortgage ($140,00)