As most of you know, my I have been doing the envelope system since January (so 3 full months now). I cracked this week...sort of.
My birthday is next week, so apparently I think it is an excuse to eat out every day for lunch and spend money on new running shoes and clothes. I dug into savings this week and spend about $200 on running equipment. I'm giving it back when I get paid this weekend, but that's besides the point.I haven't went clothes shopping since before Christmas, and it has been killing me. It was an addiction, and I never realized it. Since I have gained weight and half of my clothes *barely* fit, it's been even harder. I feel awful in everything I try on. I change outfits at least twice before heading out the door each morning. I feel ugly and just plain awful. I tried finding clothes at Goodwill, but...unusually, nothing fit me right and I hated everything I tried on. I think a part of it is me being SO frustrated with myself. I'm at my highest weight I've ever been. I can't believe a year ago, I was at my goal of 135 pounds. I wish I could just love myself for who I am...
I'm hoping running will help me lose the weight, and gain some self-worth back. I also signed up for a women's soccer league that starts up April 11.
Just like any lifestyle change, you will mess up. No one is perfect. I messed up this past week. I should have saved for a few months before going out to buy shoes and running clothes. We had the extra money in savings, so it's okay....but it's really not okay. Savings is for our emergency fund and house fund.
What do they always say? Practice makes perfect? I'm not too sure about that. I'll just keep praying and let God steer me in the right direction.
Ash, you are so strong and beautiful that it makes me sad to see that you are feeling so down about yourself. I know that once you get down about one thing it's easy to fall into getting down about other things, but you absolutely have to remember that as long as you are *you*, you will continue to be the smart and pretty Asleigh that everyone loves. You have lots of people supporting you and before you know it you'll be looking up and feeling better about everything.
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