Thursday, May 30, 2013

What's next for me?

My entire life, I have always known what is coming next.

After elementary school...there was middle school and high school. Then I would move away for college. After college it was time to get married and work on my Masters degree.

But what's next?

What comes after graduate school? Land an awesome job? Have kids? Build a house? Move far away and start out all over again? Change the world?

There have never been so many uncertainties for me. I've always had a plan, and went according to plan (even though it often veered far from it). It's frustrating for me, because I have always been a planner.

When planning our wedding, I wanted everything to be perfect. By the end of the day, almost nothing went according to plan and I basically threw my hands up and didn't even care anymore. It was the best day of my life, and I wasn't going to let "little" things ruin it for me.

Right now I'm at that point of throwing my hands up again. I've had 3 major bad things happen throughout the last few months: I lost my job, lost our house, and something else happened...which I'm not going to mention on social media. Instead of letting myself go with the flow and not care anymore....I'm asking God for guidance. He's been silent for the last few months, and it is so discouraging and frustrating. We skipped church for a few weeks because I couldn't stop crying in the morning before we left. I know Satan is trying to hard to pull me from God right now.

I saw my therapist again this week and she told me I have been taking everything extremely well, it seems. She asked me why I think I haven't been worse. Honestly? My faith has kept me hanging on. It's that tiny light at the end of a long dark tunnel that is giving me hope..

Friday, May 24, 2013

Well, it happened.

Earlier this week, we got the call saying they can't hold our house like they thought, and it will be on the market June 1.

We are heartbroken.

Today, I am going out to check out an apartment complex in Noblesville. I honestly never thought this is what we would be doing at the end of May. We were supposed to close on our house next week.

No job offers yet, which is also very frustrating. After what seems like dozens of interviews, I have a few companies that are still making decisions. Money is low, so I'm hoping I will get an offer sooner rather than later.

Short post today - don't really feel like talking about it. Seems like a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Update: The House & Job Searching

This week, we got paperwork we needed to sign from the mortgage company. It stated that nothing has changed and if it has, and we lie about it, we can face up to 5 years in jail for mortgage fraud.


So, I contacted the mortgage company and told them about our current situation. The builder called us yesterday and said we can still keep the house, this will just delay closing. I need 30 days of paystubs (at a new job) before we can close. So...

Good news: We haven't lost the house, yet. Thank God.
Bad news: We have to stay in these apartments a bit longer..

I went to the apartment office yesterday and they said our apartment was still available to extend the lease because it hasn't been rented out yet (Thank God again!). Our rent is going to be $100 more expensive, but it's still better than moving back to Kokomo, then back to Noblesville again.


K-LOVE's encouraging word for today.
Job searching has been an endless task, it seems. I've had interview after interview, followed up with numerous people and have yet to hear back from several. No offers yet, but I have a feeling one is coming soon.

I interviewed at 2 places yesterday. One felt like a really, really good fit. The company is fantastic (with great benefits). I followed up and am waiting eagerly to hear back. I sent them over some additional portfolio pieces in hopes of winning them over.

Just trying to keep the faith has been hard. Satan is attacking us at every aspect of our lives, it seems. My God is greater. Sorry, Satan - I'm not going back to how I used to be. This depression and anxiety is awful, but I'm not letting it get worse like you want it to.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Hunting, Applying, Calling, Emailing . . .

Well, it's been a month since I was let go.

I have had a few dozen phone interviews, and 2 in person interviews.

Sorry the blog has been quiet, I've literally been using up all of my time with packing, job searching, and cleaning. Still no update on the house (we stopped by last weekend and the cabinets and countertops were in!). Fingers are crossed that an offer, or something promising comes through this week.

We turned in our intent to vacate at the beginning of the month - we have to give them 30 days notice. It's scary not knowing for sure where we will be living in June, but I know God will provide.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13