What's next for me?

My entire life, I have always known what is coming next.

After elementary school...there was middle school and high school. Then I would move away for college. After college it was time to get married and work on my Masters degree.

But what's next?

What comes after graduate school? Land an awesome job? Have kids? Build a house? Move far away and start out all over again? Change the world?

There have never been so many uncertainties for me. I've always had a plan, and went according to plan (even though it often veered far from it). It's frustrating for me, because I have always been a planner.

When planning our wedding, I wanted everything to be perfect. By the end of the day, almost nothing went according to plan and I basically threw my hands up and didn't even care anymore. It was the best day of my life, and I wasn't going to let "little" things ruin it for me.

Right now I'm at that point of throwing my hands up again. I've had 3 major bad things happen throughout the last few months: I lost my job, lost our house, and something else happened...which I'm not going to mention on social media. Instead of letting myself go with the flow and not care anymore....I'm asking God for guidance. He's been silent for the last few months, and it is so discouraging and frustrating. We skipped church for a few weeks because I couldn't stop crying in the morning before we left. I know Satan is trying to hard to pull me from God right now.

I saw my therapist again this week and she told me I have been taking everything extremely well, it seems. She asked me why I think I haven't been worse. Honestly? My faith has kept me hanging on. It's that tiny light at the end of a long dark tunnel that is giving me hope..