Babies, Kids, & An Uncertain Future

This morning, Jon asked me when we should start trying to have kids. I'm okay with waiting until my Master's program is done - so maybe 2-3 years? My job offers a short term leave, so I can take a maternity leave when I'll need it.

After thinking about it, I don't know if I want to bring kids into this world yet. It's so awful - filled with hate, discrimination, greed, etc. I've considered the idea of home schooling, but that may not be an option (unless we can find someone else to teach them). At the same time, most of the home schooled kids I've come across have a hard time making friends as adults.

Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have kids soon, but its seriously terrifying to see what the world is like right now. I keep hoping maybe it will die down in a few years, but it only seems to be getting worse. A lot of our friends are having kids, and we're definitely feeling the pressure. Jon is 5.5 years older than me too, so his age is also a concern. I don't want our kids in high school with a 65 year old dad. Okay, exaggerating a bit, but you understand what I mean.

I guess the best thing Jon and I can do as parents is to raise them in a Christ loving home - teach them what's right and what's wrong.

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In other news, I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately. Yesterday, after church, I just broke down. I came home and was hysterically crying for an hour or so. I hate when I have episodes like this, because Jon feels so helpless. I've explained to him how I feel when I'm depressed, or my anxiety is really high. It's just hard for him to understand because he's never been there.

Today is a little better, because I took some of my anxiety medicine this morning (and I'm about to take another). Just trying to hang in there. Praying nonstop that all of this ends soon. A lot is going on, and it's really been getting to me lately. Every day, I just want to put on my pajamas and crawl into bed after work. If the TV was in our bedroom, you best believe I'd be in there every night. I'm just so worn...