Tuesday, January 1, 2013

My Name Is Ashleigh, & I Am Addicted To Food

Might was well start the new year off with stating what I've been hiding from myself for years.

I am addicted to food.

This week, I signed up with Weight Watchers again (for the 4th time). I feel like each time gets harder and harder. Today was my first day on the program, and I'm already having issues. I feel like giving up already. I try to eat healthy, but I just like carbs and sweets way too much.


I threw out almost all of the sweets in our apartment, and I still find myself wanting to go get fast food and desserts. I'm back to a size 12 (what I was the first time I started WW), and I really don't like myself. I know some of it I can't help, because with my neurocardiogenic syncope, I have to eat frequently and sometimes need an emergency protein  bar in the middle of the day.

My doctor said I was a healthy weight, which doesn't help. I don't feel good. Not liking myself means I'm depressed and lest affectionate towards my husband. We haven't been intimate in months. I blame it all on myself.

I'm so sick of crying about it, but I feel like it's an endless spiral. I love food, but it makes me hate myself. It makes me feel good, but at the same time . . it makes me feel like crap. I'm trying to get God to help me get through this, but it's a lot harder than it seems.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
- James 1:5

2 comments:

  1. You can do it Ashleigh. Dont let food have the power over you, you are strong because God is your strength. Joy comes from God and it is everlasting. The "joy" of food is temporary and like you said, you feel bad afterwards. Believe in yourself. We get ourselves in this mess, and with help from the Lord we can get ourselves out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, Chad. I feel a food addiction is as hard to get out of as the others out there (drugs, alcohol, etc). God definitely keeps me strong, and it's times like this I ask Him for His strength and guidance.

    ReplyDelete